The first time I saw Edcel Suyo’s post on Malapascua about the cliff dive I wanted to make the same jump as well. I knew I had to make that jump and since booking my second trip to Cebu I was dying to do the jump.
Malapascua is an island in the north of Cebu, similar to the ambiance of Boracay but prettier and lovelier than the Alona Beach in Bohol. Just seeing the island from afar, I could already find beauty in the island especially because you can literally see the floor of the waters as we were swept away on a small motor boat after getting stuck on sea for 2 hours.
I didn’t even think of making the jump then. By next day, while we were on island hopping, I was having the time of my life and I was still pretty 50/50 on making the jump.
However, when I finally saw the cliff, I gulped.
What the f*** was I about to do?
Deep inside, I didn’t feel that pounding nervousness and shake or anything.
I wanted to jump. I really did.
I wanted to jump that I even went with Drew of Trippings with Drew all the way onto the island, climb the slightly steep cliff up to the top where the view proved to be an immeasurable experience.
I can’t describe the feeling at the top. I swear I wasn’t shaking. My heart wasn’t even pounding. The view was ultimately relaxing and I was 80% intent on jumping.
Kuya Boatman said – “You have to jump far over the edge so you won’t hit any rocks”
Then there was my second reason not to jump.
Could I make it that far? Drew took about 5 – 10 minutes to think before he made that jump.
And I was left to decide.
Was it worth it? Was I going to make it? Was I going to graduate 3 months later? Will I feel that sense of achievement that I so desire every time I do something extreme? Will it be worth it?
I stood over the edge of the cliff contemplating my future and the thrill that drove me at the top.
Why shouldn’t I jump?
As I took around 10 minutes over the edge of the cliff to decide, I pondered over the pain it will feel once I reached the water.
I don’t know the exact winning point of why I didn’t jump.
Maybe it was because I would probably take another 20 minutes just standing there overthinking everything.
Or maybe I just felt like I would be causing more delay for our island hopping.
Maybe it was because I suddenly felt alone at the top.
Whatever the reason may be, I came down the cliff, feeling a little lighthearted.
I felt disappointed in myself that I couldn’t make the jump. But at the same time, I felt it was the right choice for the moment. I felt proud of myself because I reached the cliff but at the same time, I felt ashamed of the fear that caused me to back out. I felt regret because I didn’t make the jump I’ve been wanting to do for many months now and I wasn’t sure when I’d be back to Malapascua.
Renz of The Travelling Nomad was right though, I’d still have a next time. We’d still have a second chance to jump and I want to make sure I do.
This post is to remind myself of the first time I did not make the jump and to push myself to make the jump the next time I’m in Malapascua.
I can make this jump. I will make this jump.